Goals

Alright, so I have some goals for myself.  Actually, I guess they're more like motivators to keep my eyes on the weight loss prize.

I want to lose 2 lbs a week.  Some people say this is nuts.  I think it's a healthy goal-- however, if I don't lose 2 lbs I won't cry about it... I really just don't want to gain anything.  Not even 1/10 of a lb.  My motivation to do all of this is:
1. California- which is soon, but, if I stick to 2 lbs per week I could be down another 24 lbs by the time I get there... I think that'd be quite a surprise for my brother! LoL Plus, going to the land of celebrities and really fit people is daunting.
2. Graduation- I've talked about this before... at both my high school and undergrad ceremonies I was large and well, large.  If I can lose 2 lbs a week I will be down 32 lbs... bonus!
3. Summer- I'd like to be slimmer and less sweaty this summer... just sayin'.
4. 5 Year College Reunion- I'd like to surprise a few of my former classmates... though I had a blast in college, I probably would have had even more fun if I didn't lack so much confidence from my weight self-consciousness.
5. New Year's Eve- I'd like to be in a bangin' dress perhaps at a black tie affair or some other soiree downtown.  If I lose 2 lbs per week that will mean -98 lbs!!  I can't even imagine what I'd look like... a whole different person I think. 

Some actual goals:
New job
Visit people I keep saying I will visit (I really want to! Other things just keep popping up and leaving me broke!)
Volunteer somewhere

This is all very lofty, but I feel like if I keep repeating myself it will all happen.  I made a vision board for myself the other day with most of these things on it.  I look at it to motivate myself and to tell the universe what it is that I want.... because something's gotta give eventually.

Tracking

So being a part of WW, I was so happy a few weeks to learn that points+ and simply filling can be used interchangeably through the week.  This program is more flexible than ever!  I was doing pretty well with simply filling, until I didn't track the things that don't count for simply filling.  So, today I went back to points+.  Yesterday was kind of a horrible day in my world and what's worse is I took it out on food.  I think I ate everything ever.  Today I decided to track all of those points from yesterday.. I was left with 8 weekly points... yeah, it was THAT bad.  But whatever, I haven't done one of those in a loooong time.  I can stay within my daily points+ range the rest of the week, and if I don't, I won't cry about it.  I'll also be working out this week and thus gaining some activity points.

Right now all I know is that I cannot keep my eyes open.  Ugh.  Today needs to be over already.

Hi.

So it's January and I'm sure a lot and not so much has happened since I last reported. 

I guess the big thing that's going on is for the past couple of months I've really been mindful of what I put in my mouth... at last check (about 2 weeks ago) I'd lost 15 pounds or so.  I'm hoping for a big loss next Monday because I've since added beaucoup exercise to my cause.  Yesterday I was on the elliptical for an hour!  Consequently, today my legs feel like they might burst out of their sockets.  I also began training for a 5k Wed night.  No worries, I'm not going to be all hardcore every day of the week like the past two... yesterday was a fluke.  At 30 minutes I felt like I could go forever.  At 40 I questioned my sanity.  At 50 I was unstoppable.  At 55 I wanted to kill myself, but I was way too close to an hour to stop so I did more of a cool down for the last 5 minutes and voila!  Originally I was on the fence about whether or not I was gonna go, then a friend of mine asked if I was going.  After texting her my uncertainty and saying i'd call her in a half hour she said "...K no pressure, just support. :)"  How could I say no to that?  It is so much easier to drag ass to the gym if someone else is dragging ass along with you.

November 1st I received my DIPLOMA in the mail! :D I am a Master, officially.  Huzzah!

My brother moved to California in August and I miss him like whoa.  I am planning a visit out there for April... hopefully I can afford it!

I developed a new strategy with work- any time I get angry or annoyed I fill out an application for something else.  I've submitted a loooooot of applications the past few months lol.  Still nothing.  Sucks.

That's all for now!

Slimmer This Summer Challenge Weeks 8 and 9

Sorry for my brief hiatus... I was crazy busy trying to finish up school. Last week I managed to lose 3 lbs and this week I gained 6!  Yes this past week has been my worst thus far, and I am going to make damn sure it's my last downfall... I don't have school as an excuse anymore... I now have the time I was devoting to my studies to reeeeally focus on my health.  That was painful today though at weigh-in... I felt like such a failure.  But I let that pass and now I am determined to turn my life around!

I also want to apologize... I have like 300 unread posts in my reader... I'll try to get to some soon and comment!  I'm actually busy at work for once and it's kind of nice.

oh yeah and btw, by "finish up school" I mean actually finish.  I can now say I have a Master's degree!! squee!

Slimmer This Summer Challenge Week 3

I do WW at work, but today I had a meeting during the time of what would have been my weigh-in.  I will try and locate another meeting somewhere else this week so I know how I'm doing, but I'm wary to weigh-in on another day with a different scale... thoughts?

I believe my week went well.  The weekend was a little rough because a cousin of mine was visiting, but I tried to not over-indulge.  I also took my dad to a baseball game yesterday for father's day and I did have a hot dog ;).  Oh, and a huge daquiri, but the only other thing I ate yesterday were some crabs and shrimp so I actually stayed within my P+ for the day.  Mmmm crabs.

Also last week I worked out Monday and Wednesday.  Trust, it will be more this week.  It takes me a little while to get used to new routines.  I have a buddy now and that makes all the difference.

Weekend (and beginning) in review

This past weekend was chock full of fun and excitement!

On Friday night I can't really remember what I did but it involved going to bed early because Saturday morning I was up at the buttcrack of dawn (otherwise known as 8 am).  We bought tix for Catherine (for her bday last month) to go on a tour around DC of all the different places movies have been filmed.  Cool, right?  Right, we thought so.  She loves movies and is always trying to go be an extra if she hears they are filming in the area.  Here is the tale of our (mis)adventure:
Picked up two of the three ladies around 8:45 and headed to Metro.
Platform said 11 minutes.
Waited 20-25 for said Metro.
Told third lady to hustle so she would make our Metro otherwise she may be screwed.
Third lady gets to platform in time to see the doors have closed.
Get to Union Station to meet up with tour.
Wait.
And wait.
And wait some more.
Third lady shows up, yay!
Tour guide finally shows up and tells everyone to go to the bathroom or get a drink or something and sorry he's late.  (I'm betting he was stuck somewhere on Metro).
Tour guide tells us about some movie things in the station and walks us outside to the bus.
Everyone piles on.
We drive maybe a mile (prob not even that far).
Turn around.
Street closed because of festival.
Also, DVD that is part of the tour experience won't work.
Back to Union Station.
Everybody off the bus.
Kbye.

So what to do?  It's a beautifully sunny day in the nation's capital.  Well, duh, go walk and see what that festival was that was blocking the road your bus couldn't drive on.  Turns out it was the Asian Heritage Festival.  Walked around there for a little bit then took a cab over to SE to Ted's Bulletin for adult milkshakes.  I highly recommend the tomato soup and grilled cheese with the mocha kahlua shake... delicioso!  The place is really cool too.

Then it was back home for a little rest and relaxation before I hung out with Lauren!  We grabbed dinner at Eggspectation and I turned her fears around with that place I think.  Then we saw Bridesmaids!  It was actually my second time seeing it, but I thought it was HI-larious both times so it was all good.  We ended the evening with a little nightcap in my kitchen then parted ways.

Sunday I slept in and did some tidying in my bedroom.  Then I met Cyndi up at the mall then went to Kelly's for a little feast and to watch Mean Girls.  T'was fun!  Thing I was most proud of?  Making it home from downtown DC in 22 minutes.  Not bad, not bad.

Monday I went to work and then worked out!

Tuesday class started up again.  Legal Aspects of Contracting.  I think it's going to be a good class, despite it being 4 hours every week.  After that I was starving so I raced to the pub to hang out and eat with everyone.  Catherine finished a comic that is AMAZING and HILARIOUS and debuted it last night.  A lot of people came out last night.  Special shout out to my girl Lucy who turned 21 at the stroke of midnight! <3

Today I have an appointment then I'm going to work out again... huzzah!  Oh btw, I weighed in and lost again this week!  HUZZAH!  Of course I just ate ice cream, mac n cheese, and an egg roll.... oops.

Boring

I am totally enjoying this short break from school.  When I leave work I get to go home!  What a novel idea! 

Not much to report on, I'm getting my appetite back after averaging 1-2 meals per day last week.  I wasn't sick, I just wasn't hungry.  So that I'm sure helped with my 2.4 pounds lost this week.  When I do eat, it's not much.  Last night for dinner I had a couple bites of potato salad, 1/4th of a cucumber, 97% fat free popcorn, and a WW ice cream sandwich.  For lunch I had a small salad and a few pieces of sushi. 

Like I said, not much to report... will hopefully carve out a workout regime for myself.  Excited for the weekend and it's only Tuesday... :)

**This just in**
I may not be as excited for the weekend... we shall see.  :-/

Allelujah! Praise Jesus!

Shit! I'm going to hell.  Just said the "A" word and Lent is still going strong.

Anyway-- I got some of the best news ever today.  My Tuesday night class, for one, has been canceled! AND he pushed back the due date for our 20 page papers to the 26th instead of the 19th!  So it will be nice to only have one 20+ page paper due that week... haha.

That was from a couple of weeks ago...

So today I figured I really need to update because it's been quite a while.  I weighed in this week and lost 2pointsomething lbs... go me!  In celebration, I went to the gym Monday evening because that class was canceled... I did and I didn't mind because well the obvious is... why am I paying for this?  However, Monday was BE-A-UTIFUL here in the DMV so it was nice to go home with my sunroof open and the radio playing.  Ahhhh.  That beautiful day was not an invitation though for mother nature to pour rain and clouds on us for the next two days, but the sun is back again today so I'll deal.

School-- I finished my thesis!  The best thing?  I finished my thesis a week and a half before it was actually due!  That being said I was able to email it to my prof, who will look it over and make sure all is well before I submit it to her next Friday for real for real.  I even finished my PowerPoint presentation and the abstract!  Go me! 
The fun part is now trying to figure out what I am going to write about for my 20 page paper that is due actually no later than 11:59 pm April 27!  I got a B on the 10 page paper I had due for this class last month, I'm kind of miffed actually because I honestly thought it was well-written.  He pretty much screwed everyone though, so I will just have to deal and work harder on this next one.  I am definitely going to hit up the school's writing center because I figure if I go there and I still get a mediocre grade, I can be like "what the hell do you want from me?" 

There are a couple dates this week that deserve mentioning.  Tomorrow, the 15th, is not only our nation's tax day, but also what would have been my sister's 29th birthday.  So weird to think of her as being almost 30.  What would she be doing now?  No one will ever know, but it's interesting to think about.  The day after that, the 16th, marks the fifth year anniversary of my mom's death.  I still think about her every day and wonder what she would be doing?  Would I be doing anything differently?  Would I have moved out already?  Would my mom still be working at Catholic and if so would she be doing what she really always wanted to do and be enrolled in classes?  All questions with no answers.  I find myself in that predicament quite frequently.  Oh well, I'll just keep on keeping on. 

One last shameless plug-- I am doing the race for hope in DC on Sunday May 1st!  I've almost reached my $1500 goal... so exciting!  If you would like to know more about the race and/or donate you can visit my team page, Team MFB, here!

Have an amazing end of the week and weekend! 

Status Update

Sorry I've been off the scene for a minute.  I went to write so many times last week and just didn't.  Don't know what that was about.

So I weighed in today, and I gained 1 point something... honestly I think that's pretty good considering I drank myself silly on thursday, ate crap on friday, drank more beer on saturday/ chowed down on the PASTA BAR that was at my "little sister's" 21st birthday party.  Danielle, who I went to the condo with a couple weeks ago, is the mother of this girl... like I said they're all like family to me.  Oh and then Sunday I ate a jr. bacon cheeseburger from Wendy's and later some fries.  So yeah, a one point something gain is not too bad.  I'm still having a difficult time staying motivated... sometimes "being skinny!" just doesn't cut it.  LOL.  I need to get my ass back in the gym, was doing really well til I couldn't take the pain from my herniated discs.  Excuses, excuses... I'm going to be in pain forever, I need to just deal with it. 

As for school, my 10 page paper (technically no more than 12 no less than 8 page paper) has stuff on the eighth page, haha.  I obviously need to add more to it, but that will be a challenge considering i am having a hard enough time keeping my eyes open right this moment and I have class tonight.  Crap, I forgot to read... it's not like we've had 5 weeks or anything to read this chapter... yep, ridiculous.  I better have gotten an A on the midterm, though I doubt it.  *fingers crossed*  Then all I have left this semester is a 20 page paper for the Tuesday class, a final for the Monday class, and I need to finish my capstone paper.  This semester of 3 classes that I thought originally would make me suicidal hasn't been SO bad.  Ok back to the paper that's due tomorrow-- haha.  Umm, yeah.  Whatever y'all know I will get it done.  I always do.  I just hope it's up to this guy's standards... which I can't really tell.  What's weird is after reading through most of it the other day I was kind of like "wow, this is a good paper!" which I'm usually never like.  But, who knows?  Maybe it will earn me that A I so desperately want. 

RAGE, RAGE!

I am absolutely fuming right now.  I weighed in today at WW and I have GAINED two point something pounds over the past three weeks!  I almost cried right then and there.  A loss of .1 would have made me happy because I've been careful about what I've been eating (this weekend aside) AND I've definitely been more active.  Even this weekend I didn't go completely nuts with all the crappy food we made in Ocean City.  I'm not obsessed with numbers, but this is frustrating.  I feel like such a loser-- and not in the biggest loser type of way. 
I'm so angry... RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!

I don't even know why I try.

Angry-Sad-Defeated-Hopeful

I have a lot to say this post, so bear with me. 

First of all, I would like to recognize the anniversary of the death of my sister.  It was five years ago yesterday that I found her in her room.  She had a seizure, her heart stopped, and could not be revived.  I was a junior and it was the first day of my spring break.  My mom was dying of cancer and I really didn't think life could get any worse-- until that happened.  She was about a month and a half away from her 24th birthday.  Yesterday, I spent the day with my sister's best girlfriends.  It was a little weird, but okay.  We ate baked chicken breast coated in barbecue sauce and mashed potatoes, two things my sister loved.  We drank wine and looked at pictures.  In the morning before that I went to mass and breakfast with my father; the day turned out to be beautiful-- warm and sunny.  It's still hard, but I know she's in a better place.

Switching gears, I got my rough draft back!  It's "near perfect."  Woohoo!  Now I just need to figure out what questions to ask for the methodology section of the paper.  Oh, and contact persons to answer said questions or survey, if you will.  I have a 10 page paper that's due in a few weeks so that will be interesting.  Good thing next week is spring break, hopefully I'll be able to do some research for it and possibly get it written.  I still have to tweak my topic for the 20 page paper that is due two weeks after the 10 pager... eeshka. 

Now for fat camp-- and I hope I don't offend anyone with that term.  I stole it from a friend of mine who is also doing WW.  It's a funny name for something I try and take seriously.  I'm really happy because I've finally been getting myself to the gym.  And something happened to me the other night.  I'm tired of being sort of looked over I guess by the opposite sex.  As vain or shallow as this sounds... it sucks.  What sucks even more is when I'm out with my "hotter" friends and they're all getting hit on and I'm just there.  Anyway, it might not be the best reason to get healthy, but if it kicks my butt to the gym then I'll take it for now.  It feels good to work out and eat healthy, but I feel almost like I've gained weight the past couple of weeks.  It's extremely frustrating.  The good thing is that instead of giving up, I keep pushing forward.  

Lastly, I'd like to say a big CONGRATULATIONS to my friend-sister Lauren for completing a marathon yesterday.  I'm so proud of her!  One day, we will run a race together I just know it! 

Have a great week everybody!

Quickie

This past weekend was crazy, awesome, and of course too short.  Katie and Cyndi came from Long Island to visit!  Cyndi's moving back!  All is right with the world!!

I've decided to walk the Race for Hope- DC which raises money to help the fight against brain tumors.  Obviously I've talked about my mom dying from brain cancer 5 years ago, but I don't remember if I mentioned this or not-- my friend Cyndi's nephew (who is all of 3) has been battling brain cancer since age 1.  He's maxed out on radiation.  He is adorable-- I saw a video this weekend of him demonstrating "The Situation."    At first, I was going to just do this solo and quietly solicit donations from people, but once a couple of my friends heard I was doing it they either donated right away or pounced and were like "i want to do it with you!"  So, I emailed the people today and was able to turn my one person show into a team!  So far it's a two person show!  LoL.

I did absolutely no school work this weekend!  The rough draft was due Friday and that's when my extent of school ended.  This week is pretty sweet though-- no classes except for a possible one-on-one this Friday or next about my paper, which I think I need because I feel like my paper is a HOT MESS. 

I've been tracking!  But more on that later! 

Weekend recap and other things

So, it's not exactly how I pictured it in my head, but I received a flower at work!

 

 This really nice man at my ww meeting gave one to each of us ladies yesterday.  So cute!  And definitely put a smile on my face for most of the afternoon.  Speaking of fat camp, I stuck to my goal and tracked 4 days last week.  So far this week I've tracked yesterday and today.  Oh, and I gained .6, but I'm not discouraged as that was probably the chinese food I gorged on Sunday night.  That was totally worth it though because my brother and I spent time together.  See, he is 13 years older than me and we've not always gotten along.  Since the deaths we've become a lot closer, but we still keep our distance at times (happens when you live with someone I feel).  But Sunday night I picked him up from work and we hung out and went grocery shopping together-- I was in desperate need of healthier food items.  It was getting kind of late though so after I spent about $100 on healthy stuff, I ordered Chinese food for us... a bit counter productive maybe, but I was tired and not in the mood to cook.  We ate food and watched TV together then went to bed.  A perfect evening if you ask me.  

Since I went into Sunday night, I should recap the rest of my weekend:

Friday-- went to class, came home, ate, watched tv, was in bed by 10:30!  

Saturday-- post office (finally mailed the CD for the music exchange... oops), pedicures with Heather, followed by Chipotle and watching my little peanut! 

That would be me and my goddaughter, Madeline.  She's getting her 2 year molars so that's why she's a bit drooly on the shirt... that and oh yeah she's a baby.  

After watching her, I went home and talked with my brother for a little while (conversation which led us to make plans for the next day) which was super exciting because we rarely make plans with one another.  We're both just super busy.  Then I went to Corner Pub, hung out with some of the usual suspects, went to Shannon's, stayed up all night and took her to Union Station at 5 AM so she could catch a train to NYC for Toy Fair.  Catherine rode with me and we got McD's breakfast on the way home.  At 6:30 I passed the F out.  Woke up around 11:30 and went to the gym!  Hooray for me! After I got home I resisted the urge to take a nap and got to work on my rough draft (finally).  Mary came over to do work a little later and we ended up gabbing til she had to leave.  Then I left to get my brother and you know the rest from there.

Who has not made an appearance in this post/weekend?  My father.  Why?  He's started dating someone.  My mother died five years ago.  I'm happy for him.  Any reservations I have about him dating has nothing to do with my mother and everything to do with me.  Selfish?  Perhaps, but I'm working through it.  Change is an adjustment. 

I sent in the topics for my other two papers today and got the OK on one and have to tweak the other a little. 

Getting Over Hump Day

Coming up with a topic for a paper about contracting is not that easy.  Coming up with TWO topics for TWO papers both having to deal with contracting is a nightmare.  Ok, in reality it's not that bad, I just don't know which direction I want to go in.  I have a 10 page paper and a 20 page paper.  Last night I threw out the idea of subcontracting and teaming to my professor and he loved it!  So I guess that will be my 10 page paper.  I would love to just copy my 25 page paper from the Capstone and use it as my 20 page paper, but that's not allowed.  I'm trying to determine if it's even worth it to make the two similar to save me some research time... hmmmm???  Speaking of the Capstone-- that rough draft is due next week... AHHHH!  I still never made that damn schedule for myself and now we are well into February. 
Banana Break
Sorry I was starving and I'm finally back in fat camp again, counting points plus values and whatnot... all fruit is FREE!  Which is amazaballs.
Anyway, back to school.  I don't feel so overwhelmed, not yet anyway.  I really feel like I should be overwhelmed.  I still find myself waiting til the last minute to do stuff, but I'm surprisingly okay.  I do need to try to stay in this weekend some and work on the Introduction section of my research paper because I would rather not be scrambling next Thursday night trying to make my rough draft as damn near perfect as possible.  I don't need that stress. 

OH!  I am glad all of my Valentine's Day plans are solidified.  First, I'm going to go to class.  Next, I'm spending a romantic evening with Catherine and Mary!  And by romantic, I mean we are going to make dinner, play Wii and/or do the Dirty Dancing workout DVD, drink champagne, and probably gossip about everyone we know or just talk about the boys we aren't dating at the moment-- that makes more sense.  I'm fairly apathetic when it comes to Valentine's Day.  I'm not really bitter, though I've always wanted to receive flowers at work... from anyone!  That's kind of random, but there ya go... my feelings on V-Day... random, and not chock full of singles doom. 

Untitled

Ugh, it's Monday and I didn't sleep last night.  I just remember tossing, turning, waking up, and looking at the clock.  Have already downed one sugar free Rockstar energy drink, may need to get a second one.  

The weekend was nice, though I did not do a whole lot in terms of school.  I did do a crap-ton of laundry (finally).  I really need to get back on that doing laundry every week thing because having to spend 4 or 5 hours at a time on it is annoying.  Ooh!  Saturday I went to the Newseum with Catherine and Mary which was really really cool... I've lived here my whole life and have never been.  I really enjoyed the exhibit of all the Pulitzer Prize winning photos-- really really cool.  After we spent several hours there, we went to an early dinner at Carmines, a family style Italiano ristorante, which was really really good... mmm yum!  Sunday was when I did laundry/watched a marathon of Murder, She Wrote.  Also?  The Superbowl-- I wasn't really rooting for anyone, maybe leaning more towards the Steelers, but not particularly upset that they lost.  With the exception of maybe 2 or 3, the commercials were weak sauce.  And Fergie cannot sing live and whoever was in charge of sound for the halftime show was probably fired on the spot.  I mean I feel bad judging one's musical talent-- obviously she has something because she is making money and I am not, but it was what it was and what it was was bad.  But the visual part of the whole thing was cool... oh and can't forget Usher... mmm yeah.

I don't really know what my purpose is with this blog.  I'm really trying hard not to be all emo with it.  I guess I'm doing a fairly decent job at chronicling my graduate school adventures.  As far as maintaining a healthy lifestyle, probably the only healthy element of my life right now is me going to therapy once a week.  I did join that cheaper gym though, and as soon as I'm done being a woman this month (which really sucks when you're on blood thinners BTW) I'll actually go. 

This week I've got two more articles due.  Next week I have one article and my rough draft due... which will be a crisis all on its own because I feel like I virtually have nothing for this paper.  I feel like none of the articles I've found have really related to my "research problem" which is a problem all on its own.  Oh well, I'll figure something out.  It's just a rough draft so it doesn't have to be anywhere near perfect. 

So All I Have To Do Is Ask?

I spoke with Professor Xanax (as my friend Kelly has so lovingly nicknamed her) over the weekend.  Really I almost feel bad for posting this because she is actually a lovely woman, she is just extremely calm and I don't know that she has ever been upset ever-- which isn't always a bad thing.  Anyway, I told her it was taking an act of Congress to find an article in a scholarly journal that wasn't more than two years old for this damn research paper.  So, she told me to use older articles that I am finding... SWEET!  Because I literally spent HOURS this weekend searching for articles that would work. 
1. That can be very daunting.
2. That can be very discouraging when you don't find anything after spending so much time.
3. Now I will be burning the midnight oil once again this week trying to get the summaries done on time... luckily our class is canceled for this Friday so we have until midnight to email our assignments for the week.

I promised my friend Heather that I would make a legit schedule for myself for the rest of the semester, once I do that I'll try to figure out how to post it on here.

OH! So I went to the third class Performance Based Contracting last night and I think it's going to be a piece of cake.  We have a midterm and final that are both open book/note/neighbor what have you.  And an in-class project?  No idea what that means or entails, but I'm SO THANKFUL there are no more papers to add to the Spring semester from hell pile.  And I remember when I thought last summer was hell.... sigh.

Fat Camp is postponed til further notice... I have been eating everything in sight the past couple of days... no idea what's going on with my body... it's probably trying to be a woman.  I am giving up my work gym membership and going to sign up at this other gym near my house that's only $10 a month.

Now a few fun facts about me!
I love driving, I think because I'm really good at it-- it's hard to come by good drivers these days.
I have had 3 surgeries on my ovaries... the last one ended up in removing my left ovary and fallopian tube (yes, I can still have children if I want them)
You know I'm drunk when I get really chatty and hyper-- I'm generally a more quiet and subdued person

Happy Chewsday! 

Must Keep One Resolution

I resolved to write more.  I haven't had a moment to physically write in my journal so I will blog.

I called my professor tonight in crisis.  We had to turn in proposals for our papers yesterday and mine was a hot mess (or so I thought).  After about five or ten minutes she had me totally calmed down and was able to help me keep the topic I want to write about, just spun it a little differently so it is more positive and more researchable-- yes I just made that up get over it red squiggly line.  I desperately need to create a schedule for myself and STICK TO IT.  Seems to be the only way I will survive this semester. 

As for all other areas of my life?  I gained some weight over the holidays, but hopefully I will be back to the gym despite the incessant pain running down my leg.  Work is a whole 'nother story-- I have a new supervisor-- 'nuff said. 

Since I have put in quite a bit of time today for school I am going to reward myself with a little trip to the pub. 

PS-- I'm a part of a music exchange and am so excited to give and receive!

I'm Thankful

Happy December!

Another month has gone by and I only posted once.  I'm working on it, I'm working on it.  November proved to be a little more relaxing than I thought.  I really did not do much on the weekends.  I've finally come out of this depression (I hope) that has been plaguing me almost all semester.  I'm still down on myself for not losing all the weight I've wanted to-- but when I don't put in the effort I can't really be all too surprised.  Sigh, tomorrow is another day.  Depression is such a vicious cycle.  I've struggled with it for years-- in and out of therapy, on and off drugs.  I feel like crap so I don't want to do anything, especially nothing that will require effort like exercising or making myself a proper meal.  Even though I know once I do that 15, 20, 30, or even 60 minutes on the elliptical I will feel like Super Man.  It's the inability to even bring the horse to water.  So last week I actually went to the fitness center at work and worked it... not for very long because it was the end of the day and I didn't have any headphones (talk about boring).  However, I did feel better.  I always feel thinner after working out... is that weird?  I also went there again on Monday and did about 25 minutes on the elliptical-- yay for headphones!  Then I had to hustle to my WW meeting where of course I gained because of Thanksgiving and all those leftovers.

Speaking of Thanksgiving.  It's not my favorite holiday-- probably one of my least favorites... always has been I think because it's centered around turkey which I find dry and not very tasty.  Anywho, we decided to stay home this year (we being my father, brother and myself).  My brother didn't want to go anywhere because he works retail so the next day would be hell for him; my dad wanted us all to be together so home we stayed.  Now, there has always been an issue with clutter in my household, however, my mother to no end kept it at bay as best as she could.  Since she died things just went crazy and a volcano sort of erupted.  When my brother moved home 3 years ago after an inevitable breakdown he resumed my mother's position in that he strove to clean everything all the time and would be an absolute nut and in a panic if anything was out of place-- and had no qualms letting us know.  It was insane.  After a few months we broke him.  He no longer really cares (outwardly anyway).  It took me some time to really get a grip on myself and realize that we couldn't live in the mess.  Now, I must say we are not bad as many of the homes you see on Clean House, there are perfectly good floors that can be walked on without hopping or tripping; the problem is that any surface gets stuff thrown on it.  Don't get me wrong-- I'm as guilty as my father is in this.  So I got it together and decided we needed a change.  Well, it turns out I was the only one who felt this way.  When it's not technically your house to decide major renovations, it makes it hard to get anything to happen.  Also, when you get no support-- it sucks.  Oh, I see why my mother was always frustrated with us... and then my brother.  Oops, sorry.  Occasionally I've been able to kick my dad's butt in gear, but it only ever lasts a week or two and then the house goes back to bananas. 
So I went through this whole long thing to say this: if Thanksgiving was going to happen at our house, and people other than the three residents were going to come, shit was gonna look presentable.  After cleaning, cussing, screaming, crying, and sheer guilting-- my dad was on board with a little less animosity.  Within a few days our 3 person turkey day went to a multiple person feast.  I was not going to be embarrassed and making excuses to our guests, I refused.  So we got to work and the place looked damn nice! Actually, it still looks pretty good a week later-- shocking!  After all was said and done, I made a damn good dinner (my first Thanksgiving meal) and entertained in my pretty albeit rough around the edges home.  Our guests (and I use that term loosely... more like family) had a great time and I'm so thankful for all who came to share our originally planned depressing meal with us.  We ate tur-duc-hen... yes the chicken inside of duck inside of turkey thing and it was AMAZABALLS.  So the official count was 9: my dad, brother, myself, friend Jessica and her mom, my dad's two siblings, and two of my brother's friends.  It was so fun and yummy I'd think about doing it again next year. 

By the way, I need to mention this playlist I'm currently grooving to.  It's Dirty Dancing meets Mamma Mia! meets Top 40 and it's nothing short of a good time. 

Monthly Update! Hahahaha

Originally written on 10/13... oops...
Yes I know, it's been way too long, but I've been busy.  School is kicking my @$$!!  Strat (no longer strappy, that's just weird) requires most of my brain power.  Meanwhile, I've been slacking on FAC because not much is required of me.  I'm pretty sure I blew the test I had in it last week which means I need to bust ass on the rest of them... which is only 3.  I can't let this be a repeat of undergrad where I'm awesome at all the classes I take except for the ones in my major.  PS I'm probably the worst religion major ever, but it still fascinates me.  I'm getting somewhat better at managing my time, but not really.

Ok, so now I write, the date is 11/12... almost a month since I last attempted to post.  October was busy!  I missed Halloween because I had bronchitis, no biggie, I didn't pull my "French" costume completely together so I guess I sort of lucked out in that regard.   That test I was talking about I did "bomb" so to speak... a 71% in my book is bombing... it's probably the worst grade I've received so far in grad school.  I know I started this blog to try and help myself and others with the stresses of grad school and working and being social, but I obviously fail in the self help category haha.  So here goes again.  This past week marked the end of crazy assignments being due every week in Strat.  Although, I still have one assignment I need to tackle and turn in and one I need to send to him because it somehow got sucked in a vortex that is my instructor's house, car, bag... life?  I actually had another test in my FAC class this past week... I studied a lot more for that one than I did for the first one-- so I'm hoping for more positive results.  Last weekend was like the twilight zone for me.  I actually had a perfect balance of school and social life... now if only I could have thrown some laundry in there would it have been truly perfect lol. 

This weekend is scheduled to be INTENSE.  Jessica's birthday is today so we're going out tonight and tomorrow night to celebrate... I know what you're thinking... two days?  But it's usually a week long celebration so I figure we've gotten off easy this year ;) (love you whoadie).   Tomorrow during the day will be spent running around DC for a scavenger hunt that I put together for a friend of the family who is like my little brother.  He turns 18 on the 16th and this is what he wanted to do for his bday.  Sunday, I'm thinking rest.  Lots of it.  Oh, and probably homework.  I have this group project thing that we've yet to solidify.  It's only worth 100 points... no biggie...

I skipped my WW meeting this week because I've been working at home and in the office due to renovations.  Oh, and because I've fallen off the horse and my previous three weigh-ins have been gains... not a lot, but still.  It's discouraging.  I also have not been working out like I should be-- but I'm making my way out of a month and a half long depression, so hopefully I'll be able to start anew (once again).  I know working out makes you feel better, but if you're not feeling well it's hard to get there.  I have a couple of goals though-- I don't want to be the Michelin Man at yet another graduation, and I'm going to Kosovo next year to visit a friend of mine and if they are all anything like her... then it is a stick thin nation.  I don't need to stick out more than I already will for being American.  Plus, I haven't seen her in years so it'd be nice to look different and not just with a haircut or something.

Oh also, the guy I liked for a very long time, has steadily proven to me over the past few months that he is batshit crazy, so I guess I'm glad I sort of dodged that bullet. 

Sweet September

Last Friday I turned 25!  I had a good time all last week, really.  Tuesday night I met up at the Corner Pub with the usual suspects and somehow got hammered.  I had the worst hangover on Wednesday that I have had in at least a couple of years.  Sorry I have to make this quick otherwise I would go into more detail.

Thursday I took off of work, so did Jessica, and we made our way downtown to chase food truck, in particular the Lobster Truck.  I feel like I grew up in Maine a little bit, I spent entire summers in South Portland when I was a kid... that to me is when kids really grow up, over summers.  Anyway, I digress, we got a lobster roll, a shrimp roll, and a whoopi pie... AMAZABALLS!  My fav was the lobster, hers was the shrimp-- which really worked out quite well.  We noticed (via Twitter) there was another food truck in our vicinity so we went to find it, but found a different one instead.  It was something to do with sauces?  I ended up getting some Indian type dish that was in a pita or naan... yeah I'm really bad at this.  Bottom line?  It was delicious and I was so stuffed I could only eat a few bites.  Jessica got the fish taco (hehe) and it was spicy as hell, but still pretty good.  Like me, she could not even think about finishing that joker... so we had good dinners!

Friday was my normal day off from work... how perfect for it to fall on my birthday?  What did I do?  Well I was taken out for breakfast in the morning.  Then I just went home and watched True Blood season 1 and did laundry and cleaned up a little before my girls came over later that night.  It was a great day.  Then some of my girls came and brought me alcohol and we ate pizza rolls and party pizza!  We also watched Notting Hill (my fav movie) and part of Ever After (I think I maybe saw it once 10+ years ago).

Saturday was my big mamma jamma party where most all of my friends came (a good number did not show up... punks) but it was fun.  I got a keg and had good food and everyone was happy and drunk which is all I can ask for.

So Sunday, after getting in around 7 in the morning, I just kind of chilled out.

Quarter of a century... how does it feel?  Honestly, I'm counting my blessings that I'm still in my twenties and alive... that's kind of a big deal.  Fat Camp?  Back to basic training for me... was too hungover to go to the weigh-in last week... oops.