I spoke with Professor Xanax (as my friend Kelly has so lovingly nicknamed her) over the weekend. Really I almost feel bad for posting this because she is actually a lovely woman, she is just extremely calm and I don't know that she has ever been upset ever-- which isn't always a bad thing. Anyway, I told her it was taking an act of Congress to find an article in a scholarly journal that wasn't more than two years old for this damn research paper. So, she told me to use older articles that I am finding... SWEET! Because I literally spent HOURS this weekend searching for articles that would work.
1. That can be very daunting.
2. That can be very discouraging when you don't find anything after spending so much time.
3. Now I will be burning the midnight oil once again this week trying to get the summaries done on time... luckily our class is canceled for this Friday so we have until midnight to email our assignments for the week.
I promised my friend Heather that I would make a legit schedule for myself for the rest of the semester, once I do that I'll try to figure out how to post it on here.
OH! So I went to the third class Performance Based Contracting last night and I think it's going to be a piece of cake. We have a midterm and final that are both open book/note/neighbor what have you. And an in-class project? No idea what that means or entails, but I'm SO THANKFUL there are no more papers to add to the Spring semester from hell pile. And I remember when I thought last summer was hell.... sigh.
Fat Camp is postponed til further notice... I have been eating everything in sight the past couple of days... no idea what's going on with my body... it's probably trying to be a woman. I am giving up my work gym membership and going to sign up at this other gym near my house that's only $10 a month.
Now a few fun facts about me!
I love driving, I think because I'm really good at it-- it's hard to come by good drivers these days.
I have had 3 surgeries on my ovaries... the last one ended up in removing my left ovary and fallopian tube (yes, I can still have children if I want them)
You know I'm drunk when I get really chatty and hyper-- I'm generally a more quiet and subdued person
Happy Chewsday!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
This Break Brought to You by...
PROCRASTINATION!
I swear it will kill me one day, or maybe just seriously maim me.
Since my head is about to explode I figured now is as good a time as any to update! First let me start off with the fact that I had an A-mazing dinner last night with my good friend/sista from anotha mista Lauren who was in town on business and made room to spend a little time with moi on her last night. We ate at Lebanese Taverna and indulged in some delightful conversation and Maggie Moo's after. Yes, we did eat ice cream when it was 30 degrees out... in my car, with the heat blasting. Don't judge.
I really need to make a schedule up for myself. I honestly thought that I had done a lot of my work for tomorrow this past weekend. In reality, I pretty much didn't do anything but decide again what topic to go with. Oops. So here I sit, trying my best to understand this article from a Public Law journal about small businesses and contracting-- with a ton of jargon that may as well be written in Greek. The reason for this tiny break is because I have been Googling said jargon to try and make sense of this article that may actually not be useful to my paper at all, but seeing it's the 11th hour, I will have to make due and just add that tidbit to the end of my summary. Back to the schedule-- I think I've been putting it off because I have yet to go to my third class which starts next Monday (after the add/drop date might I add) which means I am screwed if I was thinking about dropping one of the three classes due to realization of insanity and A. getting my money back and B. without it showing up as a big ol W on my transcript. I'm pretty much balls-to-the-walls-ing it this semester. Third class or not, I need to get my ass in gear on this seminar class.
My proposed schedule:
Tomorrow (Friday night): class from 6:10-8:40
Saturday: 12-whenever I drop: library time
Saturday night: Possible outing if and only if I have gotten said ass into gear
Sunday: 12-5 reading and possibly writing and preparing for Tuesday's class (so reading)
Monday: class
Tuesday: class
Wednesday: 5-10 more reading and writing
Thursday: 5-10 more reading and writing or whatever else I have to do
Hopefully I can stick to this because God knows I need to. He also knows I have trouble sticking to schedules like this... I pray for discipline!
Ok, I really wanted to be done by 10, but it looks like it's going to be more like 2 at this point. Positive energy is always welcome.
I swear it will kill me one day, or maybe just seriously maim me.
Since my head is about to explode I figured now is as good a time as any to update! First let me start off with the fact that I had an A-mazing dinner last night with my good friend/sista from anotha mista Lauren who was in town on business and made room to spend a little time with moi on her last night. We ate at Lebanese Taverna and indulged in some delightful conversation and Maggie Moo's after. Yes, we did eat ice cream when it was 30 degrees out... in my car, with the heat blasting. Don't judge.
I really need to make a schedule up for myself. I honestly thought that I had done a lot of my work for tomorrow this past weekend. In reality, I pretty much didn't do anything but decide again what topic to go with. Oops. So here I sit, trying my best to understand this article from a Public Law journal about small businesses and contracting-- with a ton of jargon that may as well be written in Greek. The reason for this tiny break is because I have been Googling said jargon to try and make sense of this article that may actually not be useful to my paper at all, but seeing it's the 11th hour, I will have to make due and just add that tidbit to the end of my summary. Back to the schedule-- I think I've been putting it off because I have yet to go to my third class which starts next Monday (after the add/drop date might I add) which means I am screwed if I was thinking about dropping one of the three classes due to realization of insanity and A. getting my money back and B. without it showing up as a big ol W on my transcript. I'm pretty much balls-to-the-walls-ing it this semester. Third class or not, I need to get my ass in gear on this seminar class.
My proposed schedule:
Tomorrow (Friday night): class from 6:10-8:40
Saturday: 12-whenever I drop: library time
Saturday night: Possible outing if and only if I have gotten said ass into gear
Sunday: 12-5 reading and possibly writing and preparing for Tuesday's class (so reading)
Monday: class
Tuesday: class
Wednesday: 5-10 more reading and writing
Thursday: 5-10 more reading and writing or whatever else I have to do
Hopefully I can stick to this because God knows I need to. He also knows I have trouble sticking to schedules like this... I pray for discipline!
Ok, I really wanted to be done by 10, but it looks like it's going to be more like 2 at this point. Positive energy is always welcome.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Must Keep One Resolution
I resolved to write more. I haven't had a moment to physically write in my journal so I will blog.
I called my professor tonight in crisis. We had to turn in proposals for our papers yesterday and mine was a hot mess (or so I thought). After about five or ten minutes she had me totally calmed down and was able to help me keep the topic I want to write about, just spun it a little differently so it is more positive and more researchable-- yes I just made that up get over it red squiggly line. I desperately need to create a schedule for myself and STICK TO IT. Seems to be the only way I will survive this semester.
As for all other areas of my life? I gained some weight over the holidays, but hopefully I will be back to the gym despite the incessant pain running down my leg. Work is a whole 'nother story-- I have a new supervisor-- 'nuff said.
Since I have put in quite a bit of time today for school I am going to reward myself with a little trip to the pub.
PS-- I'm a part of a music exchange and am so excited to give and receive!
I called my professor tonight in crisis. We had to turn in proposals for our papers yesterday and mine was a hot mess (or so I thought). After about five or ten minutes she had me totally calmed down and was able to help me keep the topic I want to write about, just spun it a little differently so it is more positive and more researchable-- yes I just made that up get over it red squiggly line. I desperately need to create a schedule for myself and STICK TO IT. Seems to be the only way I will survive this semester.
As for all other areas of my life? I gained some weight over the holidays, but hopefully I will be back to the gym despite the incessant pain running down my leg. Work is a whole 'nother story-- I have a new supervisor-- 'nuff said.
Since I have put in quite a bit of time today for school I am going to reward myself with a little trip to the pub.
PS-- I'm a part of a music exchange and am so excited to give and receive!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Spring Eleven
I went to my first class of the semester last night and this definitely will be my most challenging semester of all. But I still want straight A's. Goodbye social life, hello library!
Yesterday's class, Fed. Contract Management and Administration, consists of a text that's Bible thickness, a professor who reminds me of a slightly more neurotic Jerry Seinfeld (in a good way), and papers the sum of the page numbers equaling anywhere from 25 to 40 pages. I realize, folks, that I am in grad school, and that people in grad school have to do research and write papers, etc. Bare (or is it bear?) with me for a second. Even though I have only attended one of three class I am taking so far this semester I do know that in my next class I will have a 25 page paper/project, several journals, drafts, and articles I'll have to read. As for the third class-- I have no idea what to expect at this point.
When I figure out how I'm going to work this and get everything done, I will let you all know. ;)
Yesterday's class, Fed. Contract Management and Administration, consists of a text that's Bible thickness, a professor who reminds me of a slightly more neurotic Jerry Seinfeld (in a good way), and papers the sum of the page numbers equaling anywhere from 25 to 40 pages. I realize, folks, that I am in grad school, and that people in grad school have to do research and write papers, etc. Bare (or is it bear?) with me for a second. Even though I have only attended one of three class I am taking so far this semester I do know that in my next class I will have a 25 page paper/project, several journals, drafts, and articles I'll have to read. As for the third class-- I have no idea what to expect at this point.
When I figure out how I'm going to work this and get everything done, I will let you all know. ;)
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Happy New-- ahhh forget it!
I blinked and 2010 was out the door skipping down the sidewalk. Tucked in its suitcases (I'm assuming) were the 10 pounds I managed to lose and keep off since August, the A- and B grades that ruined my pristine 4.0 average in GRAD school (yeah I knew it wouldn't last long either), the near-death experience with the PEs, bad choices, good choices, indifference, crazy people, attempts to better myself along with attempts at self-sabotage. Heartache-- thank God that left with the crazy people. I don't really know what else I accomplished last year-- aside from the few week breaks here and there, I was in school all year long; I worked really hard and I did well. I have a 3.8something to show for that. Love will not be leaving, because I have yet to find it-- maybe 2011 will bring someone who loves me for me, wouldn't that be nice? Perhaps I'll learn to love myself first.
What do I want from 2011?
I want to get all A's in the rest of my classes.
I want to stay sane through the Spring semester because I will be full time.
I want to develop self-discipline so that I produce the best work possible.
I want to develop self-discipline to create a healthy routine for myself.
I want to stop smoking.
I want the chronic pain to go away.
I want to go to Kosovo and visit my friend.
I do not want to be on coumadin for the rest of my life, though I probably will have to be.
I do not want to be the Michelin Man at my graduation in the Fall.
For an extreme goal I want to be happy and not think about death/dying.
Hopes for others: I hope my brother finds happiness even though he thinks he never will, and I hope my dad meets a nice lady to hang out with ;)
I normally call bullshit on new year's resolutions, which is why I just cut to the chase-- this is what I want and hope for. Whether or not any of it happens, is up to me and the higher power. I might also implore my mom a little, maybe my sister.
What do I want from 2011?
I want to get all A's in the rest of my classes.
I want to stay sane through the Spring semester because I will be full time.
I want to develop self-discipline so that I produce the best work possible.
I want to develop self-discipline to create a healthy routine for myself.
I want to stop smoking.
I want the chronic pain to go away.
I want to go to Kosovo and visit my friend.
I do not want to be on coumadin for the rest of my life, though I probably will have to be.
I do not want to be the Michelin Man at my graduation in the Fall.
For an extreme goal I want to be happy and not think about death/dying.
Hopes for others: I hope my brother finds happiness even though he thinks he never will, and I hope my dad meets a nice lady to hang out with ;)
I normally call bullshit on new year's resolutions, which is why I just cut to the chase-- this is what I want and hope for. Whether or not any of it happens, is up to me and the higher power. I might also implore my mom a little, maybe my sister.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
I'm Thankful
Happy December!
Another month has gone by and I only posted once. I'm working on it, I'm working on it. November proved to be a little more relaxing than I thought. I really did not do much on the weekends. I've finally come out of this depression (I hope) that has been plaguing me almost all semester. I'm still down on myself for not losing all the weight I've wanted to-- but when I don't put in the effort I can't really be all too surprised. Sigh, tomorrow is another day. Depression is such a vicious cycle. I've struggled with it for years-- in and out of therapy, on and off drugs. I feel like crap so I don't want to do anything, especially nothing that will require effort like exercising or making myself a proper meal. Even though I know once I do that 15, 20, 30, or even 60 minutes on the elliptical I will feel like Super Man. It's the inability to even bring the horse to water. So last week I actually went to the fitness center at work and worked it... not for very long because it was the end of the day and I didn't have any headphones (talk about boring). However, I did feel better. I always feel thinner after working out... is that weird? I also went there again on Monday and did about 25 minutes on the elliptical-- yay for headphones! Then I had to hustle to my WW meeting where of course I gained because of Thanksgiving and all those leftovers.
Speaking of Thanksgiving. It's not my favorite holiday-- probably one of my least favorites... always has been I think because it's centered around turkey which I find dry and not very tasty. Anywho, we decided to stay home this year (we being my father, brother and myself). My brother didn't want to go anywhere because he works retail so the next day would be hell for him; my dad wanted us all to be together so home we stayed. Now, there has always been an issue with clutter in my household, however, my mother to no end kept it at bay as best as she could. Since she died things just went crazy and a volcano sort of erupted. When my brother moved home 3 years ago after an inevitable breakdown he resumed my mother's position in that he strove to clean everything all the time and would be an absolute nut and in a panic if anything was out of place-- and had no qualms letting us know. It was insane. After a few months we broke him. He no longer really cares (outwardly anyway). It took me some time to really get a grip on myself and realize that we couldn't live in the mess. Now, I must say we are not bad as many of the homes you see on Clean House, there are perfectly good floors that can be walked on without hopping or tripping; the problem is that any surface gets stuff thrown on it. Don't get me wrong-- I'm as guilty as my father is in this. So I got it together and decided we needed a change. Well, it turns out I was the only one who felt this way. When it's not technically your house to decide major renovations, it makes it hard to get anything to happen. Also, when you get no support-- it sucks. Oh, I see why my mother was always frustrated with us... and then my brother. Oops, sorry. Occasionally I've been able to kick my dad's butt in gear, but it only ever lasts a week or two and then the house goes back to bananas.
So I went through this whole long thing to say this: if Thanksgiving was going to happen at our house, and people other than the three residents were going to come, shit was gonna look presentable. After cleaning, cussing, screaming, crying, and sheer guilting-- my dad was on board with a little less animosity. Within a few days our 3 person turkey day went to a multiple person feast. I was not going to be embarrassed and making excuses to our guests, I refused. So we got to work and the place looked damn nice! Actually, it still looks pretty good a week later-- shocking! After all was said and done, I made a damn good dinner (my first Thanksgiving meal) and entertained in my pretty albeit rough around the edges home. Our guests (and I use that term loosely... more like family) had a great time and I'm so thankful for all who came to share our originally planned depressing meal with us. We ate tur-duc-hen... yes the chicken inside of duck inside of turkey thing and it was AMAZABALLS. So the official count was 9: my dad, brother, myself, friend Jessica and her mom, my dad's two siblings, and two of my brother's friends. It was so fun and yummy I'd think about doing it again next year.
By the way, I need to mention this playlist I'm currently grooving to. It's Dirty Dancing meets Mamma Mia! meets Top 40 and it's nothing short of a good time.
Another month has gone by and I only posted once. I'm working on it, I'm working on it. November proved to be a little more relaxing than I thought. I really did not do much on the weekends. I've finally come out of this depression (I hope) that has been plaguing me almost all semester. I'm still down on myself for not losing all the weight I've wanted to-- but when I don't put in the effort I can't really be all too surprised. Sigh, tomorrow is another day. Depression is such a vicious cycle. I've struggled with it for years-- in and out of therapy, on and off drugs. I feel like crap so I don't want to do anything, especially nothing that will require effort like exercising or making myself a proper meal. Even though I know once I do that 15, 20, 30, or even 60 minutes on the elliptical I will feel like Super Man. It's the inability to even bring the horse to water. So last week I actually went to the fitness center at work and worked it... not for very long because it was the end of the day and I didn't have any headphones (talk about boring). However, I did feel better. I always feel thinner after working out... is that weird? I also went there again on Monday and did about 25 minutes on the elliptical-- yay for headphones! Then I had to hustle to my WW meeting where of course I gained because of Thanksgiving and all those leftovers.
Speaking of Thanksgiving. It's not my favorite holiday-- probably one of my least favorites... always has been I think because it's centered around turkey which I find dry and not very tasty. Anywho, we decided to stay home this year (we being my father, brother and myself). My brother didn't want to go anywhere because he works retail so the next day would be hell for him; my dad wanted us all to be together so home we stayed. Now, there has always been an issue with clutter in my household, however, my mother to no end kept it at bay as best as she could. Since she died things just went crazy and a volcano sort of erupted. When my brother moved home 3 years ago after an inevitable breakdown he resumed my mother's position in that he strove to clean everything all the time and would be an absolute nut and in a panic if anything was out of place-- and had no qualms letting us know. It was insane. After a few months we broke him. He no longer really cares (outwardly anyway). It took me some time to really get a grip on myself and realize that we couldn't live in the mess. Now, I must say we are not bad as many of the homes you see on Clean House, there are perfectly good floors that can be walked on without hopping or tripping; the problem is that any surface gets stuff thrown on it. Don't get me wrong-- I'm as guilty as my father is in this. So I got it together and decided we needed a change. Well, it turns out I was the only one who felt this way. When it's not technically your house to decide major renovations, it makes it hard to get anything to happen. Also, when you get no support-- it sucks. Oh, I see why my mother was always frustrated with us... and then my brother. Oops, sorry. Occasionally I've been able to kick my dad's butt in gear, but it only ever lasts a week or two and then the house goes back to bananas.
So I went through this whole long thing to say this: if Thanksgiving was going to happen at our house, and people other than the three residents were going to come, shit was gonna look presentable. After cleaning, cussing, screaming, crying, and sheer guilting-- my dad was on board with a little less animosity. Within a few days our 3 person turkey day went to a multiple person feast. I was not going to be embarrassed and making excuses to our guests, I refused. So we got to work and the place looked damn nice! Actually, it still looks pretty good a week later-- shocking! After all was said and done, I made a damn good dinner (my first Thanksgiving meal) and entertained in my pretty albeit rough around the edges home. Our guests (and I use that term loosely... more like family) had a great time and I'm so thankful for all who came to share our originally planned depressing meal with us. We ate tur-duc-hen... yes the chicken inside of duck inside of turkey thing and it was AMAZABALLS. So the official count was 9: my dad, brother, myself, friend Jessica and her mom, my dad's two siblings, and two of my brother's friends. It was so fun and yummy I'd think about doing it again next year.
By the way, I need to mention this playlist I'm currently grooving to. It's Dirty Dancing meets Mamma Mia! meets Top 40 and it's nothing short of a good time.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Monthly Update! Hahahaha
Originally written on 10/13... oops...
Yes I know, it's been way too long, but I've been busy. School is kicking my @$$!! Strat (no longer strappy, that's just weird) requires most of my brain power. Meanwhile, I've been slacking on FAC because not much is required of me. I'm pretty sure I blew the test I had in it last week which means I need to bust ass on the rest of them... which is only 3. I can't let this be a repeat of undergrad where I'm awesome at all the classes I take except for the ones in my major. PS I'm probably the worst religion major ever, but it still fascinates me. I'm getting somewhat better at managing my time, but not really.
Ok, so now I write, the date is 11/12... almost a month since I last attempted to post. October was busy! I missed Halloween because I had bronchitis, no biggie, I didn't pull my "French" costume completely together so I guess I sort of lucked out in that regard. That test I was talking about I did "bomb" so to speak... a 71% in my book is bombing... it's probably the worst grade I've received so far in grad school. I know I started this blog to try and help myself and others with the stresses of grad school and working and being social, but I obviously fail in the self help category haha. So here goes again. This past week marked the end of crazy assignments being due every week in Strat. Although, I still have one assignment I need to tackle and turn in and one I need to send to him because it somehow got sucked in a vortex that is my instructor's house, car, bag... life? I actually had another test in my FAC class this past week... I studied a lot more for that one than I did for the first one-- so I'm hoping for more positive results. Last weekend was like the twilight zone for me. I actually had a perfect balance of school and social life... now if only I could have thrown some laundry in there would it have been truly perfect lol.
This weekend is scheduled to be INTENSE. Jessica's birthday is today so we're going out tonight and tomorrow night to celebrate... I know what you're thinking... two days? But it's usually a week long celebration so I figure we've gotten off easy this year ;) (love you whoadie). Tomorrow during the day will be spent running around DC for a scavenger hunt that I put together for a friend of the family who is like my little brother. He turns 18 on the 16th and this is what he wanted to do for his bday. Sunday, I'm thinking rest. Lots of it. Oh, and probably homework. I have this group project thing that we've yet to solidify. It's only worth 100 points... no biggie...
I skipped my WW meeting this week because I've been working at home and in the office due to renovations. Oh, and because I've fallen off the horse and my previous three weigh-ins have been gains... not a lot, but still. It's discouraging. I also have not been working out like I should be-- but I'm making my way out of a month and a half long depression, so hopefully I'll be able to start anew (once again). I know working out makes you feel better, but if you're not feeling well it's hard to get there. I have a couple of goals though-- I don't want to be the Michelin Man at yet another graduation, and I'm going to Kosovo next year to visit a friend of mine and if they are all anything like her... then it is a stick thin nation. I don't need to stick out more than I already will for being American. Plus, I haven't seen her in years so it'd be nice to look different and not just with a haircut or something.
Oh also, the guy I liked for a very long time, has steadily proven to me over the past few months that he is batshit crazy, so I guess I'm glad I sort of dodged that bullet.
Yes I know, it's been way too long, but I've been busy. School is kicking my @$$!! Strat (no longer strappy, that's just weird) requires most of my brain power. Meanwhile, I've been slacking on FAC because not much is required of me. I'm pretty sure I blew the test I had in it last week which means I need to bust ass on the rest of them... which is only 3. I can't let this be a repeat of undergrad where I'm awesome at all the classes I take except for the ones in my major. PS I'm probably the worst religion major ever, but it still fascinates me. I'm getting somewhat better at managing my time, but not really.
Ok, so now I write, the date is 11/12... almost a month since I last attempted to post. October was busy! I missed Halloween because I had bronchitis, no biggie, I didn't pull my "French" costume completely together so I guess I sort of lucked out in that regard. That test I was talking about I did "bomb" so to speak... a 71% in my book is bombing... it's probably the worst grade I've received so far in grad school. I know I started this blog to try and help myself and others with the stresses of grad school and working and being social, but I obviously fail in the self help category haha. So here goes again. This past week marked the end of crazy assignments being due every week in Strat. Although, I still have one assignment I need to tackle and turn in and one I need to send to him because it somehow got sucked in a vortex that is my instructor's house, car, bag... life? I actually had another test in my FAC class this past week... I studied a lot more for that one than I did for the first one-- so I'm hoping for more positive results. Last weekend was like the twilight zone for me. I actually had a perfect balance of school and social life... now if only I could have thrown some laundry in there would it have been truly perfect lol.
This weekend is scheduled to be INTENSE. Jessica's birthday is today so we're going out tonight and tomorrow night to celebrate... I know what you're thinking... two days? But it's usually a week long celebration so I figure we've gotten off easy this year ;) (love you whoadie). Tomorrow during the day will be spent running around DC for a scavenger hunt that I put together for a friend of the family who is like my little brother. He turns 18 on the 16th and this is what he wanted to do for his bday. Sunday, I'm thinking rest. Lots of it. Oh, and probably homework. I have this group project thing that we've yet to solidify. It's only worth 100 points... no biggie...
I skipped my WW meeting this week because I've been working at home and in the office due to renovations. Oh, and because I've fallen off the horse and my previous three weigh-ins have been gains... not a lot, but still. It's discouraging. I also have not been working out like I should be-- but I'm making my way out of a month and a half long depression, so hopefully I'll be able to start anew (once again). I know working out makes you feel better, but if you're not feeling well it's hard to get there. I have a couple of goals though-- I don't want to be the Michelin Man at yet another graduation, and I'm going to Kosovo next year to visit a friend of mine and if they are all anything like her... then it is a stick thin nation. I don't need to stick out more than I already will for being American. Plus, I haven't seen her in years so it'd be nice to look different and not just with a haircut or something.
Oh also, the guy I liked for a very long time, has steadily proven to me over the past few months that he is batshit crazy, so I guess I'm glad I sort of dodged that bullet.
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