Monday, February 28, 2011

Angry-Sad-Defeated-Hopeful

I have a lot to say this post, so bear with me. 

First of all, I would like to recognize the anniversary of the death of my sister.  It was five years ago yesterday that I found her in her room.  She had a seizure, her heart stopped, and could not be revived.  I was a junior and it was the first day of my spring break.  My mom was dying of cancer and I really didn't think life could get any worse-- until that happened.  She was about a month and a half away from her 24th birthday.  Yesterday, I spent the day with my sister's best girlfriends.  It was a little weird, but okay.  We ate baked chicken breast coated in barbecue sauce and mashed potatoes, two things my sister loved.  We drank wine and looked at pictures.  In the morning before that I went to mass and breakfast with my father; the day turned out to be beautiful-- warm and sunny.  It's still hard, but I know she's in a better place.

Switching gears, I got my rough draft back!  It's "near perfect."  Woohoo!  Now I just need to figure out what questions to ask for the methodology section of the paper.  Oh, and contact persons to answer said questions or survey, if you will.  I have a 10 page paper that's due in a few weeks so that will be interesting.  Good thing next week is spring break, hopefully I'll be able to do some research for it and possibly get it written.  I still have to tweak my topic for the 20 page paper that is due two weeks after the 10 pager... eeshka. 

Now for fat camp-- and I hope I don't offend anyone with that term.  I stole it from a friend of mine who is also doing WW.  It's a funny name for something I try and take seriously.  I'm really happy because I've finally been getting myself to the gym.  And something happened to me the other night.  I'm tired of being sort of looked over I guess by the opposite sex.  As vain or shallow as this sounds... it sucks.  What sucks even more is when I'm out with my "hotter" friends and they're all getting hit on and I'm just there.  Anyway, it might not be the best reason to get healthy, but if it kicks my butt to the gym then I'll take it for now.  It feels good to work out and eat healthy, but I feel almost like I've gained weight the past couple of weeks.  It's extremely frustrating.  The good thing is that instead of giving up, I keep pushing forward.  

Lastly, I'd like to say a big CONGRATULATIONS to my friend-sister Lauren for completing a marathon yesterday.  I'm so proud of her!  One day, we will run a race together I just know it! 

Have a great week everybody!

Friend Makin' Monday: Movies

Found this on a blog I just started reading. 


1. What is your favorite movie? 
The first three that come to mind are Notting Hill, Napoleon Dynamite, and Dirty Dancing. 
2. If you could trade lives with an actor or actress for one day, who would you choose?  And why?
I would choose Betty White because I would want people to fawn all over me and wonder what the next bad ass thing I'm gonna do is.
3. Who is your favorite actor/actress?  
Hands down Julia Roberts is my favorite actress... ever!   She's amazing at life (so it seems).  She's a phenomenal actress and I love almost everything she's ever been in.  As for actors... I don't really have a favorite when it comes to acting skills... but Matthew McConaughey and Vin Diesel are scrumptious!  Along with the usual Brad Pitt... oh and L.L.Cool J., and a plethora of others.

*So the Oscars were boring?  What else is new?  Anne Hathaway's dresses (and tux) were all really pretty.  What do you think?*

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Cough Cough

I have a confession to make.  I know I'm committing blogger suicide right now.  Ok, not really, but I know anyone who reads this and doesn't know me is probably going to be all "for real? are you an idiot?"  To that I answer, "yes, yes I am."  Ok, I don't actually concede to being an idiot... ahhh... guess I'll just come right out and say it.  No use beating around the bush any longer...

I'm a smoker! *ducks*

No worries, I am well aware of the implications smoking has on my life.  For one, being overweight is bad enough, but being an overweight smoker of delicious Camel Lights is truly a death sentence.  Add in the pulmonary embolisms I had last year and that's like just stab me in the lung or something.  Actually the smoking didn't have anything to do with the PEs... I have a genetic mutation that causes my blood to be super thick... but everyone at the hospital sure had a field day ripping me a new asshole because I was smoking while on birth control.  Hello, do I look 35?  Yeah, I watch the commercials... at the time I wasn't even 25 and had been off and on birth control since I was 18ish because of the damn problems involving my ovaries (now ovary). Actually here was the triple crown reasoning for the PEs a la Suburban Hospital-- 1. smoker  2. birth control  3. fat
Nevermind the fact that the doctor told me to my face that he was going to skip all other necessary blood work to determine why I got the clots because he was satisfied with his own deductive reasoning. 

Don't judge me!  I'm a very nice girl.  I really love smoking cigarettes, they've been there for me through all my hard times.  Unfortunately, they're only going to lead to more hard times.  I didn't know this whole post would turn into a ranting about my... ::shudder:: ...addiction.

I wish I was addicted to cleaning the house.  Then I'd be a freak and probably wouldn't ever leave.  At least smoking is mobile!  Yeah, I'm going to shut up now, haha.

There were some fat camp-related things I wanted to talk about, but I'll just wait til next post.

Do you have an addiction that people shun you for?

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Quickie

This past weekend was crazy, awesome, and of course too short.  Katie and Cyndi came from Long Island to visit!  Cyndi's moving back!  All is right with the world!!

I've decided to walk the Race for Hope- DC which raises money to help the fight against brain tumors.  Obviously I've talked about my mom dying from brain cancer 5 years ago, but I don't remember if I mentioned this or not-- my friend Cyndi's nephew (who is all of 3) has been battling brain cancer since age 1.  He's maxed out on radiation.  He is adorable-- I saw a video this weekend of him demonstrating "The Situation."    At first, I was going to just do this solo and quietly solicit donations from people, but once a couple of my friends heard I was doing it they either donated right away or pounced and were like "i want to do it with you!"  So, I emailed the people today and was able to turn my one person show into a team!  So far it's a two person show!  LoL.

I did absolutely no school work this weekend!  The rough draft was due Friday and that's when my extent of school ended.  This week is pretty sweet though-- no classes except for a possible one-on-one this Friday or next about my paper, which I think I need because I feel like my paper is a HOT MESS. 

I've been tracking!  But more on that later! 

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Weekend recap and other things

So, it's not exactly how I pictured it in my head, but I received a flower at work!
 This really nice man at my ww meeting gave one to each of us ladies yesterday.  So cute!  And definitely put a smile on my face for most of the afternoon.  Speaking of fat camp, I stuck to my goal and tracked 4 days last week.  So far this week I've tracked yesterday and today.  Oh, and I gained .6, but I'm not discouraged as that was probably the chinese food I gorged on Sunday night.  That was totally worth it though because my brother and I spent time together.  See, he is 13 years older than me and we've not always gotten along.  Since the deaths we've become a lot closer, but we still keep our distance at times (happens when you live with someone I feel).  But Sunday night I picked him up from work and we hung out and went grocery shopping together-- I was in desperate need of healthier food items.  It was getting kind of late though so after I spent about $100 on healthy stuff, I ordered Chinese food for us... a bit counter productive maybe, but I was tired and not in the mood to cook.  We ate food and watched TV together then went to bed.  A perfect evening if you ask me.  
Since I went into Sunday night, I should recap the rest of my weekend:
Friday-- went to class, came home, ate, watched tv, was in bed by 10:30!  
Saturday-- post office (finally mailed the CD for the music exchange... oops), pedicures with Heather, followed by Chipotle and watching my little peanut! 

That would be me and my goddaughter, Madeline.  She's getting her 2 year molars so that's why she's a bit drooly on the shirt... that and oh yeah she's a baby.  


After watching her, I went home and talked with my brother for a little while (conversation which led us to make plans for the next day) which was super exciting because we rarely make plans with one another.  We're both just super busy.  Then I went to Corner Pub, hung out with some of the usual suspects, went to Shannon's, stayed up all night and took her to Union Station at 5 AM so she could catch a train to NYC for Toy Fair.  Catherine rode with me and we got McD's breakfast on the way home.  At 6:30 I passed the F out.  Woke up around 11:30 and went to the gym!  Hooray for me! After I got home I resisted the urge to take a nap and got to work on my rough draft (finally).  Mary came over to do work a little later and we ended up gabbing til she had to leave.  Then I left to get my brother and you know the rest from there.

Who has not made an appearance in this post/weekend?  My father.  Why?  He's started dating someone.  My mother died five years ago.  I'm happy for him.  Any reservations I have about him dating has nothing to do with my mother and everything to do with me.  Selfish?  Perhaps, but I'm working through it.  Change is an adjustment. 

I sent in the topics for my other two papers today and got the OK on one and have to tweak the other a little. 

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Getting Over Hump Day

Coming up with a topic for a paper about contracting is not that easy.  Coming up with TWO topics for TWO papers both having to deal with contracting is a nightmare.  Ok, in reality it's not that bad, I just don't know which direction I want to go in.  I have a 10 page paper and a 20 page paper.  Last night I threw out the idea of subcontracting and teaming to my professor and he loved it!  So I guess that will be my 10 page paper.  I would love to just copy my 25 page paper from the Capstone and use it as my 20 page paper, but that's not allowed.  I'm trying to determine if it's even worth it to make the two similar to save me some research time... hmmmm???  Speaking of the Capstone-- that rough draft is due next week... AHHHH!  I still never made that damn schedule for myself and now we are well into February. 
Banana Break
Sorry I was starving and I'm finally back in fat camp again, counting points plus values and whatnot... all fruit is FREE!  Which is amazaballs.
Anyway, back to school.  I don't feel so overwhelmed, not yet anyway.  I really feel like I should be overwhelmed.  I still find myself waiting til the last minute to do stuff, but I'm surprisingly okay.  I do need to try to stay in this weekend some and work on the Introduction section of my research paper because I would rather not be scrambling next Thursday night trying to make my rough draft as damn near perfect as possible.  I don't need that stress. 

OH!  I am glad all of my Valentine's Day plans are solidified.  First, I'm going to go to class.  Next, I'm spending a romantic evening with Catherine and Mary!  And by romantic, I mean we are going to make dinner, play Wii and/or do the Dirty Dancing workout DVD, drink champagne, and probably gossip about everyone we know or just talk about the boys we aren't dating at the moment-- that makes more sense.  I'm fairly apathetic when it comes to Valentine's Day.  I'm not really bitter, though I've always wanted to receive flowers at work... from anyone!  That's kind of random, but there ya go... my feelings on V-Day... random, and not chock full of singles doom. 

Monday, February 7, 2011

Untitled

Ugh, it's Monday and I didn't sleep last night.  I just remember tossing, turning, waking up, and looking at the clock.  Have already downed one sugar free Rockstar energy drink, may need to get a second one.  

The weekend was nice, though I did not do a whole lot in terms of school.  I did do a crap-ton of laundry (finally).  I really need to get back on that doing laundry every week thing because having to spend 4 or 5 hours at a time on it is annoying.  Ooh!  Saturday I went to the Newseum with Catherine and Mary which was really really cool... I've lived here my whole life and have never been.  I really enjoyed the exhibit of all the Pulitzer Prize winning photos-- really really cool.  After we spent several hours there, we went to an early dinner at Carmines, a family style Italiano ristorante, which was really really good... mmm yum!  Sunday was when I did laundry/watched a marathon of Murder, She Wrote.  Also?  The Superbowl-- I wasn't really rooting for anyone, maybe leaning more towards the Steelers, but not particularly upset that they lost.  With the exception of maybe 2 or 3, the commercials were weak sauce.  And Fergie cannot sing live and whoever was in charge of sound for the halftime show was probably fired on the spot.  I mean I feel bad judging one's musical talent-- obviously she has something because she is making money and I am not, but it was what it was and what it was was bad.  But the visual part of the whole thing was cool... oh and can't forget Usher... mmm yeah.

I don't really know what my purpose is with this blog.  I'm really trying hard not to be all emo with it.  I guess I'm doing a fairly decent job at chronicling my graduate school adventures.  As far as maintaining a healthy lifestyle, probably the only healthy element of my life right now is me going to therapy once a week.  I did join that cheaper gym though, and as soon as I'm done being a woman this month (which really sucks when you're on blood thinners BTW) I'll actually go. 

This week I've got two more articles due.  Next week I have one article and my rough draft due... which will be a crisis all on its own because I feel like I virtually have nothing for this paper.  I feel like none of the articles I've found have really related to my "research problem" which is a problem all on its own.  Oh well, I'll figure something out.  It's just a rough draft so it doesn't have to be anywhere near perfect. 

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Roller-coaster!

This week has not been very productive in the world of school.  I skipped class Monday night because my chest was hurting (from puking Saturday night I'm almost positive).  I skipped class Tuesday night to go to my friend Keith's dad's wake, and Wednesday I skipped work to go to the funeral.  And yes, I needed the whole day, not just a couple hours, trust me. 

Keith was happy a few of us were able to make it to the funeral and told us not to worry about going to the cemetery, so I didn't.  Instead I went to the cemetery where my mom and sister (and grandmother, grandfather, and great-grandfather) are buried.  However, I am a dumbass and did not factor in the 6 inches of snow that would still be covering the grass from the previous snowstorms we've had.  So I sat in my car, and honestly, felt nothing but frustration.  So I got in touch with my friend Catherine and met her and her co-worker/friend Diana for lunch in Burtonsville where they work.  That helped get my mind off things and was really yummy (we ate Afghan). 

When I got home instead of doing homework or laundry or something productive, I totally took a nap.  After that, I went to therapy (you have two family members die within 6 weeks of each other and tell me you don't need it) and actually was able to get a lot of things out and realized just how much I've been holding in for a week or two.  Crazy.  People-- it is ALWAYS better out than in. 

Tonight I am left with two article summaries to do for tomorrow night's class.  It's not ideal, but I'm trying not to beat myself up over it since I've been on a roller-coaster of emotion and stress.  I just hope I can find relatively short articles, because I can't take anymore 30-50 page ones. 

My friend Lauren wants to know what I'm wishing for.  Right now it's sunshine, warmth, and brains.  LoL