Thursday, December 2, 2010

I'm Thankful

Happy December!

Another month has gone by and I only posted once.  I'm working on it, I'm working on it.  November proved to be a little more relaxing than I thought.  I really did not do much on the weekends.  I've finally come out of this depression (I hope) that has been plaguing me almost all semester.  I'm still down on myself for not losing all the weight I've wanted to-- but when I don't put in the effort I can't really be all too surprised.  Sigh, tomorrow is another day.  Depression is such a vicious cycle.  I've struggled with it for years-- in and out of therapy, on and off drugs.  I feel like crap so I don't want to do anything, especially nothing that will require effort like exercising or making myself a proper meal.  Even though I know once I do that 15, 20, 30, or even 60 minutes on the elliptical I will feel like Super Man.  It's the inability to even bring the horse to water.  So last week I actually went to the fitness center at work and worked it... not for very long because it was the end of the day and I didn't have any headphones (talk about boring).  However, I did feel better.  I always feel thinner after working out... is that weird?  I also went there again on Monday and did about 25 minutes on the elliptical-- yay for headphones!  Then I had to hustle to my WW meeting where of course I gained because of Thanksgiving and all those leftovers.

Speaking of Thanksgiving.  It's not my favorite holiday-- probably one of my least favorites... always has been I think because it's centered around turkey which I find dry and not very tasty.  Anywho, we decided to stay home this year (we being my father, brother and myself).  My brother didn't want to go anywhere because he works retail so the next day would be hell for him; my dad wanted us all to be together so home we stayed.  Now, there has always been an issue with clutter in my household, however, my mother to no end kept it at bay as best as she could.  Since she died things just went crazy and a volcano sort of erupted.  When my brother moved home 3 years ago after an inevitable breakdown he resumed my mother's position in that he strove to clean everything all the time and would be an absolute nut and in a panic if anything was out of place-- and had no qualms letting us know.  It was insane.  After a few months we broke him.  He no longer really cares (outwardly anyway).  It took me some time to really get a grip on myself and realize that we couldn't live in the mess.  Now, I must say we are not bad as many of the homes you see on Clean House, there are perfectly good floors that can be walked on without hopping or tripping; the problem is that any surface gets stuff thrown on it.  Don't get me wrong-- I'm as guilty as my father is in this.  So I got it together and decided we needed a change.  Well, it turns out I was the only one who felt this way.  When it's not technically your house to decide major renovations, it makes it hard to get anything to happen.  Also, when you get no support-- it sucks.  Oh, I see why my mother was always frustrated with us... and then my brother.  Oops, sorry.  Occasionally I've been able to kick my dad's butt in gear, but it only ever lasts a week or two and then the house goes back to bananas. 
So I went through this whole long thing to say this: if Thanksgiving was going to happen at our house, and people other than the three residents were going to come, shit was gonna look presentable.  After cleaning, cussing, screaming, crying, and sheer guilting-- my dad was on board with a little less animosity.  Within a few days our 3 person turkey day went to a multiple person feast.  I was not going to be embarrassed and making excuses to our guests, I refused.  So we got to work and the place looked damn nice! Actually, it still looks pretty good a week later-- shocking!  After all was said and done, I made a damn good dinner (my first Thanksgiving meal) and entertained in my pretty albeit rough around the edges home.  Our guests (and I use that term loosely... more like family) had a great time and I'm so thankful for all who came to share our originally planned depressing meal with us.  We ate tur-duc-hen... yes the chicken inside of duck inside of turkey thing and it was AMAZABALLS.  So the official count was 9: my dad, brother, myself, friend Jessica and her mom, my dad's two siblings, and two of my brother's friends.  It was so fun and yummy I'd think about doing it again next year. 

By the way, I need to mention this playlist I'm currently grooving to.  It's Dirty Dancing meets Mamma Mia! meets Top 40 and it's nothing short of a good time.